a frozen second

I never wanted to be my self.
Not even at the early years I accepted the person I was at that moment.
The memories that I have, tell me noting about being happy or having lust for anything.
Not even hope.
I never thought about having a future or how this future would be.
Everything was more like a frozen second of life,
the detention of the living moment,
nihilism.

I'm pretty aware that we live is a timeline that it's not connected with other moments other than with a memory and the capacity of making connections between those tiny images of life.

Since I have never accepted the facts of being my self, I have passed through this chain of dissolving moments
waiting for nothing,
forcing my self to have hope
even when I know that the hope I have is just an invention
an image put together with pieces of nothing
a chain of frozen seconds without connection ...